inspiring newness

I long to live in a place where internet is no necessity..a place where the hurting person to my left or right takes priority over technology.. a place where I can spend hours with God loving on Him and becoming the woman I long to be. As much as my heart longs to go to a third world country and endulge in this environment, I have come to realize that this place is here as well…waiting for me to notice it. A beautiful world outside longing to be discovered. A little girl inside eagerly waiting to escape. An outstanding God who is full of a peace and fulfillment most people miss because they never realize the discovery awaiting them.This place exists with me,within you, within anyone willing to create it.

This new year coming up will be a year of newness. I refuse to let another year pass me by as I live in my selfishness. Instead of,"What do I want to do today?" it will be a," What does this person need from me today." My passion will be for people and to help the ones I love become all they can be, no matter how much older or younger…I will not stand silent. I will not stand by and watch the enemy destroy the lives of the ones I love. I will not judge, nor will I condemn. I will see the good in my neighbor and the plank in my own eye. I will be open. I will love, i will love, i will love.

I will stand tall and engage in the wonderful God who loves me despite all my weakness. A God who provides the strengths I need.. only need I ask for help and truly try to change. No longer will I be needy and whine when lifes circumstances seem to "not be what I need right now." I will be patient and look at the truth to every situation.

I will be all these things and so much more only by the grace and help of my God. I might mess up and get it wrong sometimes but no longer will that keep me from continuing on towards the purity and righteousness my Father longs for me to achieve.

This and so much more is what I long for me and everyone I know..not only in 2012 but in every single remaining year of my life. The true and only fulfilling source of happiness and joy comes from Him. Stop running and accept. I believe in this new year and I believe in my God. Agreeing for all the ones who cant agree for themselves!

Seeing through spiritual eyes

It all started on a hot day in August after sprinting to catch the tiger transit(Auburn University's bus system) with Anna....looking up to see a wrinkly old face shining a smile in my direction...love. Ever since that day I have been in love with the sweet spirit of my 80 yr.(give or take some) bus driver. He never delays his goodbyes or ceases to continue to do so after the 100th time he has said it throughout the day. Never is there a smile not returning back to me as I leave or enter the bus. And, never is there an annoyed face waiting for me after I have made the whole bus wait as I run to catch the bus before it leaves the neighborhood.

      Today however,  I noticed the absence of a wedding ring. And, I couldn't seem to understand why this sweet old man was not wearing one. Could his wife have died along the way of their long journey together. Or could he have been one that got overlooked in his younger years because he didn't own a pair of costas or wear rainbows, everyday of his life, unless it was raining when the sperrys came out... Even though he had the best and sweetest personality out of anyone that had a date every weekend because of a high status and expensive clothes.

  I know that could very well not be the case but it got me thinking. I then began to realize how blessed I am to not have that mindset. That I can look at someone and find beauty in that person..no matter how they dress/look/speak/think/ or feel. Every human is unique and different in their own way. And, just as well, every human is alike in the sense that we were made by the Creator of all things who makes us in His image. Looking at it in this perspective it should almost be impossible to  not only see the ugliness in someone. Looking past peoples barriers and outside appearance is where the true beauty lies. We may never know what some people are going through or have gone through over the course of their life, but we can be the ones to look them in the eyes and realize a hug is just what they need at this point in their life or a true, "You are beautiful and I think you are wonderful".

     Once this mind-set is accomplished life is seen through different eyes. People are differently seen. And, its not just the regular ,"Man, they get on my nerves." But, its the,"God made this person and loves them beyond my comprehension and I think they are amazing." Not saying that people won't annoy you or make you mad...but its a lot less likely and when happening, realizing a step away is all that is needed to see the wider and larger view. So, instead of getting annoyed when I'm late because I was driven to class at 20mph, I take that step back and realize he is just enjoying the beautiful day outside, no hurries and no worries, and then I too, try and do the same.

Letting Life pour back into your body

"Sometimes praise comes face to the ground, unable to move because we are so aware that this Holy God has busied Himself with bringing us back to Him.

Let it flow like blood to sleeping limbs, and feel them tingle as they awake in awe.

Shake life back into your hands and let them clap for His goodness.

Shake life back into your legs and let them carry you running with wind and thunder.

Shake life back into your chest and let your heart beat in pounding reverence.

Let praise come face to the ground, trembling with LIFE and AWARENESS that we are found by a HOLY GOD."- David Crowder, Praise Habit

Whenever you feel lifeless like you are laying face down on the ground, trying so hard to catch your breath...as if every moment to live is a struggle, let this be your anthem. Embrace the ground. Don't be fooled to think it is too low to be found and touched by God. It is a mind battle. Make up your mind that you do in fact want God to come to your rescue. Then believe it. Life is hard. He knows this. That is why we can go to Him, with every breath, when everything else seems to fall apart little by little. 

The heaviness of day to day life

After hearing a message by kris Vallotton yesterday, my heart carried a heaviness  to it. This heaviness had nothing to do with me. It was the heaviness of the world around  me and the people I love who feel it on a day to day basis. One cry of my heart is to carry a compassion inside of me for the hurting, just like our Savior does. And, after this message, my hearts c ry came alive. I always try and see the potential inside each and every human being instead of who they are at the moment. 

Why do we act so differently as we grow up. As kids we were so excited and free!  But then, we do something wrong. And time after time of doing so we begin to dislike ourself. And we put on all this heavy clothing that holds us back when we were made to feel free. Throughout our life we are never told that the person who falls in the biggest hole finds the most Gold. Don't believe in your circumstances more than you believe in the power if God.

Examples: 1. Rahab- the lying prostitute. She lies to the King-Josh 2:1, she hides spies, saves her family. And then where do we see her next? In Matthew 1:1 in the lineage of Christ!

2. David- He was a King, a fugitive, a murderer, a liar, an adulterer. Yet, look at how God viewed David. He moved Gods heart. As David Crowder says in his book Praise Habit, " Davids awareness of rescue was deep and continual. He dressed himself in rescue, redemption, and righteousness.  There is impoliteness in our experience of living. There is darkness and pain. But, the wonder, joy and surprise comes in the middle of darkness with the unexpected presence of God."

In part Kris' message he talked about the difference in conviction and condemnation. Condemnation= not of Christ. He did not come to condemn us, He came to offer us a hope out of our sinful life. Condemnation links our sin to our identity. With condemnation you begin to believe that since you sinned, you are now a sinner. NO! Wrong. Completely wrong. If you believe you are a sinner you will sin because you believe that is who you are. Thats the beauty of what Jesus did and when He steps into the picture. Our sin is not our identity. It is not who we are. He knows we are going to mess up even after we are saved. He offers us a life that says," I WAS a sinner. And, even though I still might mess up every now and then, I am still precious in His eyes."  We have got to understand this to function properly in who we are. We need to live with conviction not condemnation. Just like Kris said yesterday, "Conviction says, "You are a royalty now, come on, you are better than this. Lets fix it :)" We need to realize that just because we mess up, that does not mean we are worse than dirt.

Quit living by your feelings! It will destroy you! QUIT LIVING BY YOUR FEELINGS AND LIVE BY THE TRUTH. The way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you. Change your mindset about yourself. Realize you are awesome and other people will begin to see the change. 

I think this is what separates us from responding to God like we wished we could. We come to God with our head down and ashamed. And, the whole time he is saying, "Stop it! You are acting like the price I paid isn't good enough for you! Come to me. I am so in love with you child. Yes you messed up, but I still love you just as much!"

Past friendship

   In the midst of times like these, words are hard to come by. The majority of people here are completely and totally submerged into an intimate relationship with Jesus. Often times when people receive salvation they become acquaintances with God. As with every process, continuation usually needs to happen in order for the process to be maintained. So as the relationship continues, the word acquaintance cannot adequately express the extent of this new found relationship. A friendship usually is next. However, the friendship part of the process is where people get stuck. Maybe its because people do not know that there is so much more to God...or maybe they do and there is a lack of commitment to proceed on past the friendship and into an intimate relationship. 

   Before leaving for California to go to Bethel I heard a lot of, "Well, God is here just as much as He is there". And, while that statement is true, there is still a MAJOR difference in the atmosphere created here at Bethel. The difference lies in the relationship level the people here and (other places Im sure) strive for. You see, a friendship is NOT good enough, nor will it satisfy the intense hunger for more of God. They are so incredibly hungry for a deeper relationship with God. They have felt His love and everyday they need more to survive. God is a survival factor. We need to become so dependent on God that if we dont spend time with Him we feel as though we are dying.

   Since I have been here I feel like my love for God has grown so intensely just by being in His presence and around people who are on fire for God. Just like a wildfire spreads without question, so should Gods love in the hearts and souls of people.

   Let us cry out for more. Let us learn and continue to grow in this process. How about busting through the friendship and into the intimate relationship where we know and feel His heart. As with any relationship, the only way to do so is to spend time with Him.

   I can honestly say I have not been so great with my relationship with God...arent we glad he offers grace?! As each day passes I realize how messed up I am. THere are so many things in my life that need changing and fixing. And, God bought me a long time ago so that He could be the one to fix me and transform me and bring me into the beautiful thing called righteousness.

Worship School in California

Just a few weeks ago I found out that I have been accepted to Bethel's Supernatural School of Worship in Redding, Cali., this summer. As excitement rushed over me, a sense of helplessness did as well. You see, worshipping is my passion. God created us for this purpose, and I long to learn more about every aspect of it. One day I hope to be a worship pastor somewhere and use what I learn this summer. Classes will be hard and a lot of effort will be required, but I know that I will be able to use everything I learn towards my passion, and even though I know my God will provide, the part of asking for help bothers me. I do not want people to think I am trying to free load. So with that statement made known, I will prove my heart is true.

     Currently, I am in nursing school, and nursing school is...well...unique, haha! It is very hard and demanding. However, I still take the time to work as much as I can. I personally do not like the idea of having to pay back student loans. Therefore, I am paying for every penny of my school with the money I earn. My car has just recently died (R.I.P.), but that is a whole issue in itself haha!

     With all of that said, the point of this note is this: help is needed. I do not dwell in this situation with helplessness any more. I believe and hope in my God to provide the means necessary to make this opportunity available for me. Romans 5:5 says, "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." I am going to rest in the fact that He has this situation all under control...and what a relief that is!

     Expenses are going to be great; because, as you all know, California is not that close to Phenix City, AL. Any contribution you would like to make would be absolutely amazing and appreciated. If you need your lawn mowed, call me. If you need your car washed, I'll be there. Anything! If you find your resources are limited, prayer is always needed.

                                                    Hosea 2:14-15

 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt." In Hebrew, "Achor" means trouble. I feel as though that is exactly where I have been in these past few months. Family craziness going on every day, seeing a murder take place and helping to contribute the aid needed to the helpless, my car dying completely, and experiencing grief so unexpectedly and real, as I lost a man so very dear to my heart. But, I feel that God is leading me into the door of hope. He holds me in His hands, and there is no other place I would rather be. Safe.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and allowing the Lord to use you in any way that you can be used! :)

Broken to Perfection

 While sitting in a youth service a few weeks ago, Jesus began to speak to my heart. I won't go into all the details of the message. But, I will say the main point I got out of the message was the illustration used with eggs. Hard, raw, white, unbroken eggs. At the beginning of the service everyone received an egg to hold throughout the service. Rapping up the message, Pastor Jodi said something along the lines of this, " Every single one of these eggs has a different purpose. This eggs purpose may be to make an omelet." At this point the teenagers started to giggle. But the actual point that was being spoken made sense. She continued with,'" No I'm serious. Maybe you are an omelet. You hold everything together when otherwise it would fall apart. And maybe, this other egg's purpose is to make a cake. You make things sweet and bring joy to everyone around you." She continued on with the different purposes each egg might have. She brought into play that we too are each designed for a different purpose. I have always known this. But, what God brought into perspective was something different.

    From the naked eye my egg looked smooth and perfect just like all the other eggs. But, with further inspection I noticed its imperfection. As I was sitting there holding my egg, I felt a lump on its hard shell. I ran my finger over the lump several times then began to think to myself," There is no way this lump can be smoothed out for this egg unless.. it is broken. No matter how hard I try to smooth out this lump, its hard shell will not allow it. The shell must be broken and put back together to be perfected." Now I know what you're thinking... you cant break a shell and put it back together again to perfection. To which I will reply..you are right. But! This is an analogy.  An analogy to which I will relate to God.

    Oftentimes we may be that egg with a lump. Whatever it may be...jealously, anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, stagnation, etc. But, not everybody can see that we have it. Just know that the only way to perfection in Christ is through brokenness. Even though we as humans would not be able to put back the pieces of a broken egg, God has the power to do all things. When we are broken, God is able to take all the pieces and put them back together again. He knows each broken piece and where it should go to create an amazingly restored child of God.

    If you feel as though you are being broken, do not dwell in the feelings of sadness or confusion. It is in the brokenness that we become whole. It is in the brokenness that we become stronger and greater. And through the brokenness we are able to begin our purpose. Just as an egg shell is broken to create an amazingly tasteful cake or omelet we too must be broken.